Sunday, February 05, 2006

Army to troops: 'Avoid Marrying a Jerk'

You couldn't make this shit up, folks.

WASHINGTON (AP) -- They are the Pentagon's new "rules of engagement" - the diamond ring kind. U.S. Army chaplains are trying to teach troops how to pick the right spouse, through a program called "How To Avoid Marrying a Jerk."


"Being in the military certainly raises the stakes when you choose a mate," said Lt. Col. Peter Frederich, head of family issues in the Pentagon's chaplain office.

Translation: 'We brainwash our soldiers so much that they are no longer capable of deciding for themselves who is the right spouse for them, so we will spend American tax money on Nazi-style family planning while they keep on scavenging for scraps of metal to protect their vehicles.'

Never mind that this is an idea that might have been directly copied from the Wehrmacht, as WRH points out, this is the latest event in the series of Pentagon antics in their endeavour to solve the family problems of their troops. A few weeks earlier, the relatives of deceased soldiers were told to prance around like penguins in a distastefully clownish attempt to make them forget that their loved one perished in a war of conquest waged by megalomaniac bureaucrats. It seems that the Pentagon has nothing better to do with their time than making utter prats out of themselves.

As if the concept of marital councelling being taught by the same people who drill and condition recruits to military life isn't disturbing enough to the average person, the details of the program speak for themselves:

The "no jerks" program is also called "P.I.C.K. a Partner," for Premarital Interpersonal Choices and Knowledge.

It advises the marriage-bound to study a partner's F.A.C.E.S. - family background, attitudes, compatibility, experiences in previous relationships and skills they'd bring to the union.

It teaches the lovestruck to pace themselves with a R.A.M. chart - the Relationship Attachment Model - which basically says don't let your sexual involvement exceed your level of commitment or level of knowledge about the other person.

Never mind outdated concepts like love, since soldiers don't have feelings like other people, and they don't need that kind of crap anyway. It's all about sex and skills and statistical correlations.

Now, I'm not an expert on military affairs, but it would seem like common sense to me that keeping US soldiers alive by giving them proper protection would do far more to save their marital relations than cramming into their minds quasi-mathematical state-approved models of the ideal significant other.

And as if to reassure us, they tell us it's all perfectly normal:

Though the acronyms and salute make it sound like something the Pentagon would come up with, the program was created by former minister John Van Epp of Ohio, who has a doctorate in psychology and a private counseling practice. He teaches it to Army chaplains, who in turn teach it to troops.

It also is used by social service agencies, prisons, churches and other civilian groups.

In the minds of some psychologists, it must be perfectly reasonable for ordinary people's marital councelling to involve having their sexual lives measured and calculated like a company's projected quarterly profit and to be told to do background checks to determine who would be the most 'compatible'. Like in the good old fascist regimes, everything has to be run like in the army.

And with that kind of mentality about marriage being pushed upon American soldiers, they wonder why so many of them divorce?


At 10:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whos says brain programming doesn't exist?

At 7:59 PM, Blogger Laukev7 said...

What, like brain chips?


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